Modernity has made humankind a slave to time; sometimes it is well spent and sometimes not so well spent. What is common is that life passes by in the blink of an eye, and occasionally the question remains: is that precious time well spent or not?
I discussed the issue with Paola Sánchez, a psychologist and sexologist from Barranquilla, who at the end of March of this year launched a ‘Sexual Agenda for Women’, with the intention of improving the sexual life of couples.
“The idea was born in a women’s seminar in which I participated, and in one of the recommendations I gave, I talked about sexual desire and proposed that it was important for couples to plan sexual encounters and make an agenda in which they could organize their time for these special spaces”, she explains.
At first Paola thought about designing the agenda for herself, but as she began to design and create, she liked the result and felt that she should share it with other women who were aware that they needed to rekindle the spark in their relationship and get out of their sexual routine.
The agenda has recommendations in each month for creative and practical sexual ideas, introspection exercises, sexual games as a couple, suggestions for sexual positions, communication tests and many tips to strengthen the sexual desire.
When I asked her: while planning each sexual encounter, wouldn’t the spontaneity of sex be lost? Paola answered me that this is the ideal thing, but unfortunately, not all couples have the time nor the space, some have little children, complicated schedules, basically a thousand reasons that worsen their sex life or make it a routine.
The sexologist explains that when you schedule your sexual encounters you start to create other situations that break the everyday pattern: “with the agenda you can rely on other ideas, plus it is open, what I propose is not a straitjacket, it is that your creative being does its own thing, anything you can imagine”.
Sánchez admits that her sex life changed with the arrival of her son and she began to ask herself: “why doesn’t anyone says that you should take care of your sexuality or desire? She felt that time passed by and she was disinterested, mainly focused on her son, and it was complicated to be with her husband. “Normally we take care of our hair, our body, our skin, but not of our sexuality and the idea is to create habits to improve it”.
I talked to Paola about those excuses that couples create in order to not have sex: “we don’t have time…”, “we haven’t done it for a while…” or “I feel like having sex with my partner, but I don’t know how to tell them…” and the expert explains that it is more common in women, who feel tired, listless and want a bed, but to sleep, not to have sex.
“I designed this agenda especially with women in mind because, culturally, when couples have children, the woman automatically assumes motherhood. Men do not come with that chip of paternity and they take time to develop it, and the one who ends up exhausted is the mother. Because she assumes that the work is hers alone and she does not share it with her partner. You have to establish healthy limits”, she says.
The recommendation is to create spaces of tranquility. For example, in the case of new mothers, an hour to go to the salon, do their nails and hair, listen to music, read a book or simply lie down and relax.
That is why the sexologist emphasizes that desire can be affected not only by the lack of it; sometimes there are conflicts between partners that prevent sexual enjoyment. You can be very eager, but feel angry at the same time, so you do not really feel like doing it.
Sometimes, men’s initiative is higher compared to women’s: “many women want and desire their partners, but they feel inhibited to do it because of their personality, the way they were educated, and end up repressing those desires or simply keeping quiet about it. The agenda proposes to create environments in which words are superfluous. That is to say, the environment will speak for you.
In this regard, Paola says that she thought of many situations that can lead to sexual encounters. And especially in those women who find it difficult to open up and take the initiative to have an intimate moment.
In the agenda, some initiatives are described in which you can vary according to your tastes or personality. It has descriptive templates to organize the sexual romantic plan in a structured and detailed way.
Additionally, you can define the frequency in which you have sex with your partner, plan getaways and be attentive to the details to create an erotic and sensual environment.
If you want a full, healthy, spectacular and spontaneous sex life and you recognize that you do not have time to do it or find any other reason, schedule your sexuality and find initiatives that can improve your life in general as a couple.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés