Books, articles, investigations and congresses have focused on female sexuality while men’s role during intercourse has been mythified as if they were Boy Scout: ‘be prepared’. Reality is very different, that is why I invited an expert to talk about male sexuality, the psichologist and sexologist José Manuel González, with more than 40 years of experience in Sexual and Couple Therapy.
“Orgasms in men and women are pretty different. In men, it tends to be associated with ejaculation, that is why I always recommend Tantric Sex to couples, in the man’s case he learns how to have an orgasm without ejaculating. Prolonging the pleasure for both, him and his partner. The East has taught us to get along with each other in a better way, with a greatest dedication, satisfaction and intimacy with one’s partner”, states the sexologist.
He also adds that the principal Tantric Sex’s lesson for a man to have an excellent lover:
“Is to reach the climax with slow and harmonious movements, without rushing”
Most men that consult our guest do it for different problems such as:
- Premature ejaculation: When they ejaculate earlier that they had wanted to during sex.
- Erectile dysfunction: Inability to attain and mantain an erection firm enough for a satisfactory experience.
- Ejaculatory dysfunction: At first it can be quiet enjoyable for the couple since the sex act lasts longer.
- Dyspareunia or Painful intercourse: It is the physical pain felt in the genitalia during sex, in some patients it produces headaches.
Sexual desire or libido varies in each human being, and it can increase, decrease or maintain. When men experience male menopause, our guest comments: “Sometimes men who had a calm life, after the age of 50 they want to live the single life as if they were 20 or 30 years old, they ‘get in trouble’ with young girls”.
These sexual difficulties in men are caused by many factors :
- Biological factors: Related to alterations in the endocrine, the nervous (neurotransmitters), in the hormonal system (testosterone) and in the genital system, when there is damage to the penis, for example, due to clogged arteries.
- Mental factors: Blackouts or mental blocks, psychological traumas, problems related to sexual identity, feeling guilty due to infidelity or feeling resentful towards one’s partner, are all factors that can affect one’s sexual life.
- Partner: The way you get along with your partner impacts either positively or negatively on your sex life and it has to do with communication, trust, complicity, among other things.
He also explained that in order to understand if it is either a physical or a mental problem, is necessary to answer this short questionnaire:
- When you are alone and you touch your penis, is there a firm erection and can you masturbate?
- Do you have satisfying sexual relations with just a woman and not with other women?
- Is the erection firm but it losses its state at the moment of penetration?
If your answer was yes for the three questions, the problem is mental and not physical. Good news are that 90% of these cases, with the proper treatment and therapy, can be addressed.
In this dialogue we agreed that age impacts on sexuality: “With age, sexual performance decreases, but that does not mean that one’s sexual life disappears. There are 90 years old men with a firm erection who have a satisfactory sexual life”, says González.
A way to prevent sexual problems is by eating healthy, a low-sugar, salt and fat diet, drinking water and of course physical activities such as walking or running 40 minutes thrice a week, says the sexologist.
Although, he also comments that several women come to his office complaining about their partners’ low sexual desire and also men complaining about women’s low sexual desire; “in both cases, if there is not communication, reconciliation or the desire to improve their love life, is more likely for a third party to come into their marriage”, he emphasizes.
Sexual desire or libido varies in each human being, and it can increase, decrease or maintain. When men experience male menopause, our guest comments: “Sometimes men who had a calm life, after the age of 50 they want to live the single life as if they were 20 or 30 years old, they ‘get in trouble’ with young girls”.
Finally, he says: “A healthy sexual life also includes a healthy mind. The man who ‘explodes’, in each rage is killing neurons that also affect his sexuality. Our mind is very powerful. Fatigue is an enemy of sexuality, not only of the body, but also of our mind, and those hectic 24/7 lifestyles end up taking their toll.
Disconnect one day a week from your daily life! Practice a sport, listen to music, read a good book, walk barefoot on the beach, any activity you enjoy that allows you to have peace of mind and you are sure to have a longer sexual life.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés.
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