Who hasn’t sung a song at the top of their lungs remembering a heartbreak? The break up that generates a feeling that mixes rage, pain, sadness, frustration and is known as “despecho”, “tusa” or “lipotusa”.
Yina Gómez, psychologist and writer, defines “tusa” as: “a state of resistance that a person goes through when the relationship ends on bad terms or when one of the two parties does not accept the breakup of the other. This resistance generates suffering, sadness, emptiness and a lack of meaning in life,” she explains.
The symptoms depend on each person, the type of relationship they had and their ability to cope with this type of grief, because sometimes a mismanaged tusa could generate from extreme sadness and depression to lack of appetite and sleep disorders.
Today we will give some help #sinrecato to those with the so-called tusa, so they do not make these mistakes in the attempt to forget that person who once made them happy. Of course it depends on the type of relationship (dating, marriage, children) and the circumstances:
Sexual effects: according to a study by the University of Missouri, 35% of couples who end a long-term relationship decide to have sex in a rampant way, while 25% do it sporadically.
Time: it is not good to start a relationship immediately. It is recommended to give yourself some time and get over your relationship first.
Bad company: neither alcohol nor drugs will allow you to forget that person, nor will make them come back.
Blackmail: there is no way to hold another person back by force and even less with lies; such as pretending to be pregnant, feigning an illness or any situation to get their attention.
Friendship with distance: this is a way of denial and not closing the relationship. When a couple ends it is not convenient to be friends, or at least not immediately.
Turning the page: if for some reason you cannot delete their WhatsApp, it is better not to follow their social media, because it is a temptation to see their new life and changes. If it gives you peace and makes you feel better, do it!
Good vibes: surround yourself with those who love and support you, your family, your friends and let them help you get through this difficult time.
Self-love: it is time to think about yourself. Start that course you want to take, take that trip you want so much; love yourself as much as you deserve.
Professional help: if the previous tips are not enough to overcome that tusa; seek professional help from a psychologist or a support group. Take care of your mental health.
Out of control
Sometimes, after ending a relationship some scorned people, guided by pain and anger, act out of control with the intention of hurting their ex-partner, and decide to use those photos and videos that at some point were taken. By the time the relationship ends, they take revenge, sharing this material on social media.
“Cyber-escrache* is one of the samples of social violence against women, used in order to denigrate them, as a punishment or a way to exhibit them,” says Irene Friedman, secretary of the Forum of psychoanalysis and gender of the Association of Psychologists of Buenos Aires.
Frustration and resentment are the driving forces of some scorned people and they always take advantage of this to talk badly about their ex partner with the people their ex appreciate.
It is important to prevent your ex from becoming a stalker, do not accept messages, calls or unexpected visits. The tusa in serious levels generates acts of violence, it is some people’s way of coping with the pain.
If at any time you feel that the situation is getting out of control, do not hesitate to seek help, do not face this situation alone and do not take these details lightly because a tragedy could be avoided.
When a relationship ends you feel that everything is lost, but most likely life is preparing you for someone who genuinely suits you.
*Escrache: Argentinian and Uruguayan colloquialism used to refer to the action of destroying, crushing or photographing a person.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés