Sex will continue to be a taboo if there is no adequate sex education. The usual thing is limiting it to lessons on contraception methods and not to studying serious behaviors, aggressions and signs that indicate that, at some point, you have been or were a victim of sexual abuse.
Sexual abuse does not always have to do with penetration and most of the time, socially speaking, the victim ends up being not only the affected one, but also the one to blame for “provoking” the aggressor. So it is very common to accept some statements that are NOT reasons for sexually assaulting a person, such as:
- Dressing provocatively.
- Being under the influence of alcohol or any other psychoactive substance.
- The victim has many sexual partners and it detracts from their credibility if they report an abuse.
- They flirt without having the intention to have sex.
It is also sexual violence:
- Making unwanted sexual comments and suggestions.
- Kissing someone against their will.
- Unwanted touching.
- Deliberately giving alcohol or drugs in order to have sex.
- Forcing a partner to have sex.
- Removing condoms during sex after agreeing to use it.
- Child marriage.
Sexual violence also has its scope in the virtual world:
- Sending unwanted sexual e-mails or text messages.
- Pressuring a person to send nudes of themselves.
- Sharing photographs or videos of a sexual nature through social networks (Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, etc.) without the consent of the people appearing there.
- Blackmailing with disseminating photographs or videos of sexual nature.
From all of the above, I want to warn you about a dangerous trend of sexual aggression, in which the man removes the condom after agreeing on its use with his partner. It is known as ‘stealthing’, a term that refers to the secrecy of the action.
A study by civil rights attorney Alexandra Brodsky, published in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law, states that “interviews with people who have experienced condom removal indicate that this non-consensual practice is common among sexually active young people”.
Women’s sexual rights organizations argue that this behavior should be treated as rape, and the most troubling part is that it is rarely reported.
Brodsky’s study notes that this practice: “exposes victims to physical risks such as pregnancy or STDs and that many experience it as a serious violation of their dignity”.
The #sinrecato question is: Can this act be considered a sex crime? According to attorney Sandra Paul, a sex crimes expert: “The law is not the same all over the world, but the person is, potentially, committing rape. There has to be some agreement that the condom is going to be used or that it is going to be removed. If the person doesn’t follow the rules, the law says there was no consent”.
If at any point you go through this situation, you should report your aggressor. And if it makes you feel better, you should talk to someone you trust, a friend or family member, or consult a specialist. It is important to be heard and supported.
Unfortunately, in most cases of sexual violence there are not many complaints due to the fear of the aggressor who, in most cases, is an acquaintance or family member, out of shame, or fear of not being believed, or being blamed for the aggression.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés